there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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