I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
