He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
