Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
