My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
