Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
