I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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