this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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