He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
