I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
only if we run a train.
done.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
