omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
