So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
