I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
