I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
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I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
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I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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