Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
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i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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