In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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