I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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