Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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