TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
