just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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