Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
