where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
