So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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