Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
