Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
