I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
