just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
