god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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