please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
