I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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