It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
