Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
