but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
