he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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