I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
