Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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