You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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