Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Your cock deserves a montage
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
