2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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