He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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