its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
