So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
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Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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