My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
