He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
