i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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