it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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