There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
