whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
