He felt like a one man threesome
Don't EVER smell your tampon
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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