do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
