and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
