The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
