I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
