Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
