I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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