PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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