So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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