so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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