They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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