i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
