I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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