come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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