I looked at my own cervix.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize