I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
