I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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