office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
