found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
