Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
