i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
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Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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