Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
