I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
