Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
