I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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