What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
