I think my fart just growled at me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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