you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
