she looked like the before picture.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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