I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
