New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
