I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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