i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
